Day 29: LOVE

Sometimes we do things while perfectly aware it won’t change the state of things at all. Voicing the woes of your boredom doesn’t suddenly entertain you. Complaining about the scorching weather doesn’t blow cool breezes. Nervously pacing in your father’s office doesn’t help you breathe easy, but you do it anyway.

What is life if you don’t live for some wishful thinking, after all?

“If it isn’t my one and only heir,” Sungjin greeted his son with an uncharacteristically comforting smile. “Why don’t you sit down?”

“I am fine like this, sir.”

“Suit yourself,” he settled in his thronesque chair behind the extravagantly ornate desk. “Your mother has told me something quite disconcerting about your makeshift wife. Is it true?”

“Depends on what she said, sir.”

“That you wished to marry her.”

In all honesty, that would only be partially true. Hyunjin didn’t want to marry you, he wanted to stay married to you. A servant of God had blessed the union, there were witnesses, and you had even consummated the marriage. As far as he was concerned, he had already joined the holy institution of matrimony a month ago.

He nodded in response nevertheless.

“Son, you do know what makeshift means, do you not?” his father tsked, half in disapproval and half in disappointment. “An apprentice marrying his makeshift wife. Unheard of… What would people say? Did you even think about what would happen to Yeji?”

He didn’t, nor did he care. It wasn’t on Hyunjin if the scratches on her honor was the collateral damage of this war. One day, two men decided on their own that their children were to be wed in order to ‘carry on the legacy of the Hwang name’, and suddenly that was the end of it. Did they stop to think about the kind of fate they were forcing on their kids? Forcing them to see each other in a light that was damn near impossible to see? Did it even occur to them to ask their children if they had any dreams? Did Yeji’s father know about how passionate she was about the harp, for example? That she was good enough to play in the Royal Ensemble? No, right? Those were his daughter’s frivolous indulgences, too, weren’t they?

“It is not worth it for a whore, Hyunjin,” Hwang Sr. declared yet another one of his unsolicited opinions.

“Please watch your language, sir,” Hyunjin clenched his jaw, fuming out of his nose. “She is no such thing.”

“Oh, she is not, is she?” his father sneered. “Do tell what I should call a woman who has laid under an army’s worth of men. Tell me.”

Hyunjin turned his eyes to the floor, taking one deep breath after another so that the sudden allure of patricide would fade away. 

“Please don’t tell me you think she is in love with you,” Sungjin started laughing in earnest. “She was supposed to pretend like she had affection for you. It was for the money!”

“You are wrong, sir.”

“This conversation is over,” he stood up and walked to his son, placing both hands on his broad shoulders. “Just say we are going to continue with our proceedings as intended, and let’s leave this tomfoolery behind us.”

Hyunjin finally held his father’s gaze, and once he looked into those brown eyes identical to his, the words he came here to say forced themselves out of him.

“I love her, Father.”

SLAP!

“What would you even know about love, you ungrateful bastard!” Sungjin snarled and screamed at the door. “Wooyoung!”

A young man entered the office in a hurry, waiting for his orders. His master grabbed his son by the arm and threw him towards his direction.

“Take this brat back to the manor. He is not to leave the place until the wedding.”

The gigantic door closed behind them, and the two men turned left, walking towards the west stairs in silence. Once they descended the first flight, Hyunjin tugged on Wooyoung’s arm to stop him, then reached inside his coat for one of the many stacks of cash he had stolen from his father’s safe earlier and handed it to Wooyoung.

“Is this enough?”

“What for, my lord?” the young man asked in puzzlement.

“For you to let me go,” Hyunjin answered resolutely. “I shall not return to the manor.”

“Young master, I am ordered to—”

“I know, and I’m telling you I cannot go through with this wedding. You will send me to my execution if you take me back,” he argued his case in a hushed whisper. “He doesn’t care about anything other than his business anyway. Just tell him I made a run for it and you and your men couldn’t find me. It will take him maybe a few days to forget all about it.”

“Young master…”

“Please, Wooyoung,” Hyunjin pleaded. “We have known each other since we were little boys. You of all people know how badly I need to be away from here. From him. Please set me free from my misery.”

Wooyoung took one look at the hallway towards Hwang Sr.’s door, and a string of unpleasant memories started flashing before his eyes. His son’s sheer existence seemed to annoy Sungjin for as long as he could remember. Nothing was enough to make the man happy. Not his academic success. Not his exemplary character. It didn’t matter if it was because Hyunjin wanted to have dinner with his friends outside or because he wanted to continue higher education; Wooyoung had witnessed a little more than a slap on the face on a few occasions in the name of discipline.

And maybe it was time his master found something else to take his rage out on.

“Put that away,” he pushed the hand holding the money and dragged Hyunjin downstairs. “This way.”

As you climbed the east stairs towards Hwang Sr.’s office, you thought about how insane you were going because you could swear you saw Hyunjin at the end of the hallway for a second. You stood in front of the tall gate and knocked on it three times.

“You asked for me, my lord?”

“Ah, yes. Come in.”

You closed the door behind you and walked to the colossal desk, wondering why you could be possibly summoned here. If it was about his crazy wife’s tantrum, you had already left the manor. What more did they want?

“I will make this quite plain,” the cheap copy of Hyunjin clasped his hands together. “My son seems to be severely confused about his priorities because of you, which is why you are to leave this town immediately. If I so much as hear you are within a half-kilometer radius of him, I will have you disappear.”

“It is not my intention to inconvenience the Hwangs any further,” you spoke calmly, fighting for your life to suppress a derisive snort threatening to come out. “I already have travel arrangements in place.”

“Well, isn’t that simply brilliant then?” 

He opened one of his desk drawers and threw three stacks of cash on his desk.

“Here is compensation for your services and a little extra to get you started,” he looked at you with a sleazy smile that nauseated you to the ends of the world. “Unless you would also like me before you go. I don’t need a manmaker after all, yes?”

How was a man like Hyunjin, the purest soul that ever walked this earth, the offspring of this despicable Neanderthal? You slowly walked closer, grabbed one of the stacks, and started counting it.

“Are you sure this is the right amount?” you cocked an eyebrow.

“We can surely negotiate,” he relaxed in his chair and crossed his legs. “How much more would you deem appropriate? Name your price.”

“Your entire goddamn life.”

You ripped the strap holding the banknotes together and slammed the money in his face. The bills scattered around like confetti for the most outrageous celebration.

“There is not enough money in the world to make me stop loving him, fucking tyrant. You disgust me,” you pointed at him, not a shred of fear present in your eyes. “You should know, whores talk to each other. If you touch a strand of my hair, some outrageous whispers about your philandering will start blowing all over this town. Have me disappear right now if you can afford to have your good name sullied.”

Sometimes we do things while perfectly aware it won’t change the state of things at all. Declaring how parched you are doesn’t suddenly quench your thirst. Complaining about your insomnia doesn’t make you sleepy. Throwing a wad of dirty money at a so-called lord’s face doesn’t soothe the homicidal rage inside you, but you do it anyway.

What is life if you don’t live for some wishful thinking, after all?

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